


Burning Smoke

by Lucky_Guardian



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Battle, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Death, Feral Behavior, Fire, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Gnolls, Hurt No Comfort, Injury, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Magic, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Near Death Experiences, Original Character(s), POV Second Person, Potions, Spells & Enchantments, Trauma, Violence, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:54:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27784060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucky_Guardian/pseuds/Lucky_Guardian
Summary: You are twelve years old and the world is burning around you.You are twelve years old and you want to go home.The Destiny Weavers do their best to fight against the gnoll attack in Vundarth. Barace is feeling incredibly stressed, and doesn't know how to deal with any of this anymore.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1
Collections: A Ballad of Seas and Ships





	Burning Smoke

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday's session was a rough one, but really good; the DM did a great job. It did not take me long to get inspired, so here's a piece based off of that! Mostly following exactly what happened in-game, but following Barace's perspective in second person POV.
> 
> Yes, Barace is twelve years old. They are also a lizardfolk though, and according to Wikidot, lizardfolk reach maturity at age fourteen. So, Barace has about the mental age of a fifteen-year-old human. Still pretty young... but not as bad as it could be.

You are twelve years old and the world is burning around you.

The sky is filled with smoke and it mixes with the scent of blood that you hate. However, the immediate danger is gone, and you have time to plan. Zevas said he saw the shoosuva, and you wonder if hunting it down is the best option, since he said it causes the gnolls to go berserk.

Planning doesn’t go far. Sapic and Zevas mistake Den for an actual gnoll, when they had just used a spell to  **look** like one (the same spell you tried learning from a scroll just a few days ago), and then Den offers to use the disguise to scout ahead and then they are gone. Varick, still a bear, follows, and you consider sending your familiar with them as well, but you don’t think to in time.

You want to ask if everyone else is okay but you don’t want to get off the rubble you are standing on. So, instead you go to focus on the arrow still stuck in your leg; you don’t want it to impede you when everyone is ready to move forward. You grab the arrow with one hand.

Seeing this, Zevas approaches and offers help. He gives you a piece of leather to bite down on so you don’t yell when you pull the arrow out.

You take in a deep breath and smoke burns your lungs. You try to think of something else to distract yourself so you can pull the arrow out without thinking about that too much, but everything is stressful right now, and hopping from one stressor to another does not help you so you just grit your teeth against the leather and yank the arrow out of your leg.

It hurts, but it bleeds less than you think it could have. You wouldn’t know for sure though. While you have never had to deal with this, fixing an arrow wound, before, you know enough about medicine to know how to bandage your leg, and Zevas’s pointers help as well. You thank him.

You keep the arrow. You’re not sure why, but maybe it will be useful later.

Other guards arrive, and Sapic helps them put out some of the flames that hungrily lick up the burning buildings. The fires are too big for any of your magic to instantly snuff out, but you wish you could still do more to help.

Even as you hear the guard moving around behind you, you don’t look back at them, instead keeping your gaze glued to the direction Den and Varick headed in. You don’t look behind you. You know what’s there. You don’t want to look at the bodies of gnolls, one  **you** killed (you’re a  **murderer** now but you  **had to** but you still can’t get the image out of your head of  **your** magic missiles  _ bursting the artery and leaving the gnoll to bleed out _ ) and many Varick tore apart like a  **wild animal** . You don’t want to look at the burning fallen tree or at people’s homes falling apart.

Den and Varick return;  _ they’re safe _ . Den says that they met up with the captain, and offered the party’s help to them. You all get up to follow Den and Varick back to where they met with all the guards.

Den introduces you all to the captain; Captain Idla Farlight. It’s the captain and their three guards. The extra numbers on your side makes you feel safer.

Varick tries speaking to them as well, but he cannot as a bear. You think to offer to him that you can cast speak with animals without costing you extra casting energy, if he has something important to say, but the moment passes too quickly and you can’t get your mouth to form the words anyway. You look at him and he is  **still** covered in  **blood** , around his mouth and face, down his chest and all over his big lumbering paws. The red stains his brown bear fur and you look away again.

Everyone sneaks onward and finds two of the catapults the gnolls are using to fire fireballs and flaming arrows down on Vundarth. There are several gnolls surrounding both catapults, about the same amount as you have in your group now.

It worries you. You know that you used a lot of your spells in that fight before, and so did the rest of your party.

Den, still disguised as a gnoll, sneaks ahead to try and sabotage the catapults. Varick turns back into his normal kobold form, and casts that shadow spell that makes him harder to track, that you’ve previously only seen when he had taken his own night watch away from the rest of the party. He sneaks off towards the other catapult, and you’re left to wait and hope.

_ Wait. _

_ Wait. _

_ Hope. _

Almost at the same time, both catapults topple, lighting some of the surrounding grass aflame. The gnolls spot Den and Varick, both hiding by trees. Den makes an effort to fool the gnolls with their disguise but the gnolls snarl anyway and advance.

A fight breaks out.

Captain Idla Farlight goes to help Den and you are thankful. Varick is farther away, far enough that you cannot really see him past everything else, but you can only hope that he can handle himself;  _ you can’t do anything else _ .

The rest of you, you and Sapic and Zevas and the other guards, go to fight the remaining gnolls by the catapult. You’re nervous about it all and the ray of frost you summon misses its target; the ice coating the grass quickly melting from its proximity to all the fire.

Zevas tries shoving past the gnoll he is fighting, almost seeming… annoyed when he cannot get by.  _ That’s… unusual for him _ . You get the feeling that  **something** is wrong.

Your next ray of frost attack goes wide too.

When the guard beside Zevas takes down the gnoll that was in his way, he bolts towards where you think Varick was. You haven’t seen Varick in a while. You hope that you haven’t seen him because his disappearing spell has worked so well, and not because of… something else.

You try not to think about that. Zevas ran off, so there are less people to fight the gnolls here. You cast ray of frost again, and this time-  _ this time _ it nails one of the gnolls right in the chest, frost creeping across their body from the point of impact. You don’t know whether to feel accomplished at your success or guilty at the pain you’re creating.

Sapic runs off in the same direction Zevas did, leaving the guard she had been fighting on their own too.  _ Okay, something is  _ **_definitely_ ** _ wrong _ . You can’t stop the growing feeling of dread from making its way into your body. You still haven’t seen or heard any signs from Varick yet.

You don’t have time to think about it. To your left, a guard drops. They’re  **dead** .  _ You didn’t even know them and they’re  _ **_dead_ ** . Your hand grips the air, golden threads of timelines fading into sight around you  _ but you’re _ **_too late_ ** _ , you can’t do anything to change their fate _ .  _ They’re dead and you could have done _ **_something_ ** _ about it but you’re  _ **_too late_ ** _ , this is  _ **_your fault_ ** .

The gnolls advance on the guard in front of you. They’re barely hanging on.

You think of what Den told you;  _ you couldn’t do something  _ **_before_ ** _ , no matter how much you wish you could change things, but you can do something  _ **_now_ ** .

You hurry ahead, distantly aware that you’re putting yourself in danger but not caring about that right now. You have a healing potion. You give it to the guard, and they’re looking a bit better. You feel some relief.

The relief is overshadowed by other feelings, your  _ guilt, frustration, fear anger confusion painstressexhaustionhopelessshock it all b l e e d s together into  _ **_hunger_ ** _. Your leg still  _ **_hurts_ ** _ how can you make the pain stop you want to do more how can you help  _ **_how can you make them hurt_ ** _. _

Your  **teeth** are  **weapons** . In a haze of  **hungry** fury you snap your teeth at the gnoll in front of you, eating nothing but air as the gnoll skillfully ducks away.

The rush begins to fade from you but you are still fueled by your fury and your hands reach out for the golden threads around you again. You don’t think, you just grab the first one you can wrap your fingers around and shove it into the tapestry of time.

Time reverses. You get another chance. The hunger returns, clawing at your insi _ des as you make another attempt to  _ **_sink your teeth into the gnoll’s flesh and-_ **

You miss again.

The feeling fades again and suddenly you are aware of  _ just what you would have done if you had not missed _ . You feel like a  **monster** .

You stagger back. The gnoll you just tried biting takes a swipe at you, but you barely notice, the damage doesn’t break through the shield provided by Den’s magic gun.

You want more than anything to  **not be here** , but you can’t leave the guard you just helped alone. You try another ray of frost and despite standing so close to the target, you miss again. You are shaking.

(Distantly, you wonder what Rauva would think. Den said you’ve been helping but  _ you don’t feel like you are, you feel like a  _ **_failure_ ** _ of a wizard _ . What would Rauva think? You’ve  **killed** a gnoll and  _ you tried  _ **_eating_ ** _ another one  _ **_alive_ ** .

What would the other Destiny Weavers think?  _ Are you pulling your own weight? Helping enough? Are you a  _ **_monster_ ** _? _

Zevas hunts monsters.

You don’t know who you are anymore, and the realization  **scares** you.)

Another guard comes to help. Sapic approaches as well, but turns back to yell at Zevas. He’s fighting on his own, and it isn’t looking like it is going well, despite what he says. Sapic sees through it, and turns back to help him instead.

You grit your teeth and hold your staff with both hands. This ray of frost hits the gnoll.

The two guards with you take down the two gnolls. The three of you look out towards the rest of the fight.

Sapic hurries to help Zevas. The gnoll sees this. The gnoll stabs its glaive into Zevas’s gut before spinning around and slashing Sapic across the chest, through her shell.

_ You _

_ Watch _

_ As _

_ Both _

_ Of _

_ Them _

**_F_ **

**_A_ **

**_L_ **

**_L_ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

**_._ **

Zevas and Sapic are the two strongest people you know.

The guards run over. You run over. But you feel distant from the world around you, which feels slower, somehow.

Den gives the ointment to Zevas. The special healing ointment that you are forever thankful that they didn’t trade it away to Kissix. He wakes up with a groan.

One of the guards goes to help the captain against the remaining gnoll.

You and the guard you gave the potion to crouch beside Sapic’s unconscious form.  _ There’s so much blood _ . You are shaking. The bleeding doesn’t stop despite your best efforts  _ and you don’t know what to do anymore _ .

Zevas gets up and staggers over towards you two. You exchange a look with him. You’re not sure what he wants to convey to you through those lavender eyes but you hope that he’s trying to be reassuring and not judging you.

The guard beside you gently grabs your hand, guiding it towards the worst of the wound, something that had been a challenge to pinpoint because of  _ all the blood _ . They give you more reassurance and pointers, but once you get focused you manage to stabilize Sapic mostly on your own. She lets out a squeak  _ that is so uncharacteristic of her _ but the bleeding has slowed and she is  **alive** , and you let the relief wash over you. You’re thankful for the guard’s help.

You glance over to see where Den went, and they’re using some of the ointment on  **Varick** . Your stomach twists, thankful that Varick will be okay but still concerned for his well being; how long had he been there, knocked out beside the tree?

You look up ahead of you in time to watch the other guard get decapitated by the gnoll. You feel sick.

Zevas gets up again, and goes back into battle. The remaining guard follows. You want to cry out and tell them not to, that they could die, but you know their assistance is invaluable and you can’t get your mouth to form the words anyway.

Instead, you stand back up and attempt another ray of frost at the remaining gnoll. You’re far too focused on not accidentally hitting anyone else though, and the spell goes wide again.

The captain swings and hits the gnoll. A bolt shoots out from Den’s crossbow and lodges itself right into the gnoll’s upper arm. Zevas steps up. Using his bardiche to help launch himself into the air, he swings his weapon down, cleaving the gnoll in half.

You can’t stop yourself from throwing up this time. Turning away, your body retches out contents of last night (is it still the night of the same day?) onto the charred grass around you.

You are shaking. You are not quite sure if you’re breathing too much too quickly or if you have stopped breathing at all, but you feel dazed nevertheless.

Knees buckling, you end up crouching down again. You lean against Sapic; strong, sturdy Sapic  _ who has nearly died  _ **_twice_ ** _ now _ . You grab your hat and pull it over your eyes, hoping that when you look again everything will be okay.

You are twelve years old and you want to go home.

**Author's Note:**

> I experimented with a few things here. Second person POV is not something I use often, and this is the first time I've switched over to the Rich Text format on AO3. Hoping everything came out well!


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